Fandom: Star Trek XI
Rating: NC-17 (language and closetsex)
Summary: Jim doesn’t understand what he wants, all he knows is that he wants it, and that’s all that matters.
Word Count: 3631
Disclaimer: these characters are not mine, nor do I claim them as such.
Part one; His Lips
Part two; His Eyes
Whoo, part three! Sorry for the wait(was anyone waiting?) on this bit, I got bogged down with some school drama, some home drama, you know how it goes. Drama. They have soup in the future, right? …right?
a huge shout out to the people who helped me the most with writing this- lolshoes for the unwavering support and the whole drooling over Karl Urban and Chris Pine thing; lezbonojutsu for the beta help and general awesomeness; and lefto for pretty much just existing. <3
When Jim awoke the next morning he was only aware of the immense pressure on his cranium and the blinding light coming from somewhere near his window.
“Computer, blinds.” he groaned, as if the computer in charge of his room had a sadistic sub-routine and had decided to let the sun up just to spite him. He rolled over and pushed his head into his pillow, groaning again and drifting back to sleep.
At the same time, Bones’ alarm was going off and he was groaning too, dragging himself out of bed because he was being called to the hospital. He staggered into the bathroom and rooted around until he found his stash of headache cures, swallowing one and straightening up. As he looked into the mirror pain passed over his face, remembering why his eyes were so bloodshot and why his head hurt so much. Jim. His breath hitched and he turned away from the reflection, pushing the thoughts from his head as he went about getting ready.
Jim was dead to the world for another three or four hours, until he realized how uncomfortable he was. There was something dry and itchy down by his lower abdomen and when he shifted he felt it between his legs too, realization coming slowly to him as his brain still wasn’t firing on all thrusters.
Bones. He could remember it with surprised clarity, now. Inviting Bones in, the gradual loss of his clothes, Bones pressing into him… He groaned and pressed a hand to his forehead, hoping he hadn’t really ruined anything. But it had been good, hadn’t it? Bones hadn’t been as drunk as he had, perhaps he should consult the doctor on this one. He reached over blindly, feeling around on his side table until he felt the button and pressed it.
“Leonard McCoy.” he said groggily, and the comm-link beeped noncommittally, “Bones? You there?” He coughed slightly, his voice felt hoarse and strained, and he wasn’t sure if it was that he’d just woken up or if it had happened last night.
"Automated reply:" came the computer's soothing female voice, "This is Doctor McCoy, I'm at the hospital right now." He wasn't sure why he hadn't been prepared to hear Bones' voice, but something about hearing it again made him jump.
"You work too much." he replied quickly, clicking off the comm-link. This was strange. Bones’ voice was echoing in his head and there was a strange fluttery-feeling in his gut. That never happened before, at least not with hearing Bones’ ancient I’m-at-the-hospital auto reply. He shook his head to himself and then remembered the hangover and gritted his teeth, pressing the heel of his palm into his eye.
Then he made the slow journey to the bathroom; extricating himself from the sheets, standing up on wobbly legs(and a pain down near his ‘nethers that he promptly ignored), crossing the room and nearly tripping to his death over his own shirt. It wasn’t until after he’d taken one of the hangover-cures Bones had given him that he realized just how naked he was. He glanced down at himself and scratched at the dried come on his belly, then looked back up to his reflection with a frown. He had already remembered that he’d had sex last night(nothing new, really) but it only just hit him then, standing naked in front of himself, that he’d had sex with Bones. He’d had sex with Bones. He blinked at himself, eyes suddenly wide as the weight of his actions settled on his shoulders. Then something caught his eye and he tilted his neck, raising his fingers to touch a nasty teeth-shaped bruise at the base of his neck. Bones had done that?
Then, then he remembered. Really remembered. Remembered why he hadn’t drifted off in a happy I-just-had-great-sex daze, remembered why he couldn’t exactly remember feeling Bones inside him, because he hadn’t been thinking about it. He raised his fingers slowly to touch his own lips, feeling his breath waver a little. Bones hadn’t kissed him. Bones hadn’t kissed him, and it bothered him. It bothered him a lot. That was why Bones’ voice had affected him so, because that voice came out of those lips and that mouth was suddenly a lot more attractive than it had been yesterday.
Jim frowned at his reflection again as thoughts of Bones’ lips played through his mind, branching into vague memories he couldn’t remember remembering of Bones’ eyes, Bones’ face, looking over at him with his rare, lopsided smile or that frowny-I’m-mad-but-really-trying-not-to-s
A shiver raced down Jim’s spine and he tried to shake off this feeling, whatever-it-was and he finally turned away from the mirror, moving to step into the shower.
Bones hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it all day. He’d been working the clinic- he didn’t really like working with people, but it was more mindless. It was easier. Mrs. Jennings was having problems with her arthritis; Susan Burns had a bad case of the flu; a teenage girl wanted birth control(which made Bones think of Joanna which made him feel sick to his stomach). But all the while it wasn’t symptoms or cures he was thinking of; it was Jim. Startling blue eyes focused intently while slack lips chanted his name and muscles clenched.
“Doctor McCoy?” the voice was so small and quiet Bones nearly missed it, starting when he saw the attractive young nurse looking up at him. There was worry in her eyes. They were green.
“Oh, Nurse Chapel. Hello.” he said flatly, turning back to his padd. She pursed her lips and inspected him. It was kind of infuriating, the way she was regarding him like he was important or something. He hated how his mind jumped to wondering if Jim had ever looked at him like that.
“Christine.” she corrected graciously, and McCoy gave a curt nod, “Are you all right?” she pressed her palm to his arm, but all Bones felt were Jim’s fingers curling into his bare back. He shrugged off her hand.
“Fine.” he said gruffly, trying to sound no more prickly than usual, “Just didn’t get much sleep last night.” That, of course, was not enough to get the nurse to leave him alone. He didn't look up, but he could feel her eyes on him, willing him to just break down and tell her whatever was wrong so she could fix it and feel better about herself. Women. Bones suppressed the urge to roll his eyes.
"Well, um, you can probably take your lunch break now..." she added quietly, in that infuriating soft woman-tone that Bones knew meant she wanted to be asked to join him. Jim would never make such a passive implication. If Jim wanted to have lunch, he would just say so. Not even that, he would just saunter into wherever Bones was eating and sit down, assuming that he was welcome. The cocky bastard. Bones gritted his teeth and nodded. Maybe a nice, quiet, lonely lunch would be good to calm his nerves. But then, when were his nerves calmed?
"Yeah, I think I will. Thank you, Nurse Chapel." he said, voice strained as he gave the woman another curt nod and walked briskly away.
He had been going over it again and again in his head. He wanted to kiss Bones, okay. He really wanted to kiss Bones, all right. Bones had fucked him but they hadn't kissed yet? The whole thing seemed so bizarre but there was a need pulling in his gut. A need for Bones, a need for the kiss that had been withheld. He didn't pretend to understand it, but he had been pacing around his dorm for the last hour trying to rationalize it. He couldn't, and he just found himself thinking about Bones kissing him over and over again.
"God damn it, this is ridiculous." he hissed to himself, grabbing a jacket and fleeing his dorm. He didn't understand what he was feeling or why, but he did understand what he wanted and that was enough. So, in true James T. Kirk fashion, he went off to take what he wanted, damn the consequences. And without understanding what he was going after, really.
The lunch had done nothing to clear his head, but it had been peaceful, at least. Crouched over his soup with a scowl was enough to keep even Nurse Chapel away. Jim was still first and foremost on his mind, little clips of last night playing over and over again, just to torture him. He was half-expecting someone to approach him sometime, god forbid he have a nice, quiet lunch anywhere on this godforsaken planet. What he had not been expecting was for Jim Kirk to stamp through the cafeteria doors, wearing his goddamn leather jacket and looking like he was looking for someone. For Bones. His heart skipped a few beats as Jim's eyes swept over the cafeteria, finally landing on him and locking stares. He could see the piercing blue from all the way across the large room, and it made his breath hitch. He covered himself quickly, frowning slightly and covering his mouth, turning back to stir his soup. He didn't dare eat any; he already felt like he was going throw up. This was absolutely ridiculous.
The chair across the table squeaked a little when Jim sat down. Bones pretended not to notice.
"Hey Bones." Jim greeted, voice casual and comfortable, as if nothing at all had happened, "May I?" Bones wasn't sure why he even asked, because Jim made no move to actually wait for Bones to say yes, sure, you can have my crackers before tearing open the package and stuffing one in his mouth. Bones was surprised how easily he gave Jim his why-the-hell-are-you-bothering-me face.
"Jim." he said dryly, though he didn't feel anything close to serious or sarcastic. His insides were humming. Maybe Jim didn't even remember last night, just woke up sexed and figured it had been a good night with an anonymous stranger.
"Hey, about last night..." Jim started, looking down at the package of crackers and licking his lips. Bones choked on nothing in particular, his heart shooting up into his throat and anxiety very nearly making everything go black.
"No." the thick, intense word came out before he could even think of anything to say. Jim started, eyes flying up to meet Bones' again, but this time the doctor was stuck in that sea of blue for what seemed like minutes. Bones finally took a deep breath, breaking the eye contact and looking away at the floor.
"Don't worry about it. It doesn't matter. We were drunk." Bones said, though he hardly even found his own tone convincing. It did matter. It did matter. Jim was silent then, and damn was that unnerving. He wanted to look up, to gauge Jim’s reaction so he could act calm and collected, but he couldn’t manage it. He too afraid of seeing a blank expression, or that cocky smile as Jim made another notch on his bed-post. He was even afraid of Jim agreeing with him, of sighing a relieved sigh and laughing and saying yeah, we do stupid things when we’re drunk, huh or I’m so glad you feel that way, it was such a mistake. But Jim was silent. Bones held back a tremble and waiting for something, anything.
“Bones.” Jim sad finally, his voice soft but strong, “You’re lying.” A muscle in Bones’ face twitched and he found his head snap up to meet Jim’s eyes yet again. There was determination there, with an underlying layer of fear that Bones pretended not to notice. He gave Jim the most annoyed glare he could muster and Jim kept his gaze steadily.
“I don’t want to talk about this.” Bones said hurriedly, standing up from the table with a clatter and collecting his lunch. He briskly made his way to he trash incinerators; all too aware that Jim was on his heels.
“Don’t ignore me, Bones!” he was saying and reaching out, fingers brushing against his uniform. Bones did just that, turning on his heel and pointedly ignoring Jim’s presence as he stalked out of the cafeteria. A hand caught his arm but he jerked away. He didn’t want to deal with this now, or ever, really. He just wanted to forget the whole thing and go on living his pathetic, lonely little life. He didn’t want to wonder about why Jim was so determined to talk about this, or wonder what it felt like to kiss him over and over, to hear words meant only for him hissed in his ear. The hand caught his arm again but held on and Bones had to stop, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Jim was going to be the death of him.
“Bones, ignoring it won’t make it go away, and I want to know why.” He might have imagined it, but Jim’s voice seemed to waver a little.
“Why?” he said quietly, frowning to himself. What could the great James Tiberius Kirk be unsure of?
“Why you… Acted. Like you did. Why you didn’t…” Jim trailed off. There was no mistaking it this time; there was a definite waver in his voice. Bones didn’t know what to say to that, he wasn’t even sure what Jim was asking about. Acted like what? Like he really enjoyed fucking Jim?
“Jim, it was stupid, it was a—mistake, okay? Is that what you want me to say?” he managed to choke out finally, stumbling obviously over that word he was so afraid of. Jim was silent again, and Bones had to resist the urge to turn around.
“Bones, turn around.” Jim said his voice quiet and soft again. McCoy did as he was instructed, god forbid he refuse Jim anything he asked. When he turned around he froze, eyes going wide and breath hitching obviously. Jim was staring at him with an intense, blue, determined look, a finger hooked around the collar of shirt and pulling it aside, showing off the mouth-shaped bruise to anyone who cared to look.
“You did that.” Jim half-whispered and Bones’ eyes flickered back up to the blue, then down to the bruise. It was so unbelievably hot, seeing Jim marked like that, seeing Jim marked by his mouth. His face twitched again as he tried to sort this out.
”Oh, fuck.” Bones cut off Jim before he could say any more, taking him roughly by the elbow and dragging him into a nearby utility closet. Before Jim could grunt in surprise Bones had snapped the door shut behind him and pinned him back against it, planting his hands on the door beside Jim’s face and holding him there with his body. The glare he was sending was intense with fire and lit up Bones’ deep brown eyes like they were hazel. Jim’s breath hitched and his heart started thumping.
“God-fucking-damn-it, Jim! You reckless, inconsiderate son of a bitch! You think you can just waltz in here, while I’m on duty, pull your little fucking strings and—Fuck, Jim!” He shifted his thigh a little and felt it, the erection poking his thigh and when he stopped yelling long enough he heard Jim’s breathing, ragged and uneven. Bones had been swearing and yelling(kind of defeated the whole purpose of the closet thing, but whatever), and fuck was Bones hot when he was mad, really mad, and Jim just couldn’t hold back. Suddenly he was so in tune with everything Bones and it all seemed to excite him. His smell, soap and medicine and hospitals(Jim hated hospital smells, but he didn’t mind it on Bones). His frown that seemed to never really go away, even when he was smiling and his what-seemed-like-permanently-arched eyebrow. His eyes, his nose, his mouth, his hair, it was all so fantastic and Jim wondered why he hadn’t noticed before.
“Bones.” Jim breathed quietly, now that Bones had fallen silent, and he noticed that Bones’ breathing was no longer even either. He knew Bones was holding back for some reason, he knew the doctor was afraid of something, though Jim didn’t know what. Here he was, getting something he wanted even though he didn’t understand why he wanted it, or even what he really wanted. That didn’t matter to him like it mattered to Bones, and Jim found he didn’t really care as long as he got to touch those lips.
“Bones, kiss me.” Jim breathed again, voice all desperation and need and eyes shining with lust and want. Bones’ breath hitched and he gritted his teeth. Jim wanted something, and he would do anything to get it, damn the consequences. Bones knew all this about Jim, but knowing it didn’t mean shit when he was drowning in that blue and he was being asked to do the one thing he thought he would never be allowed. And Bones just didn’t know how to say no to Jim.
“Fuck you.” he mumbled, moving one of his hands to grasp at Jim’s jaw and tilt his head up to mash their lips together. Jim made an audible, long, high-pitched(though he would deny it later) noise into the kiss, arching his back and shifting his body languidly against Bones. His hands came up to hook around Bones’ waist and pull their hips together. One hand slid under his shirt and traced his spine up while the other went lower, fondling the doctor’s ass and pulling him close, creating that delectable friction.
“You have no idea how much I wanted to do this.” Jim mumbled into the kiss, punctuating it with a moan.
“What, make out in a closet?” Bones teased lightly, speaking between needy, open-mouthed kissed. Bones shoved his knee between Jim’s thighs and he bucked, letting out a strangled moan. Had it been this intense last night?
“No,” Jim had to pause for breath, “Make you kiss me.” Bones paused for a second, meeting Jim’s intense, lustful gaze and wanting to wipe the cheeky grin off his face. So he did, recovering quickly and attacking Jim’s mouth again and earning another one of those high-pitched needy sounds. He rocked his hips against Jim and successfully silenced him for a few seconds, covering his mouth and swallowing his moans.
“I kept thinking about it last night.” Jim went on talking and Bones growled a little, moving to kiss down his jaw if he couldn’t have his mouth, “You were fucking me senseless and all I could think about were your lips. They’re so—ghhh—beautiful. I just wanted to enjoy this great sex but I just kept thinking about kissing you and every time I opened eyes, there they were, haunting me—“
“Shut up.” Bones commanded, moving back to kissing Jim and rutting against him. Any words he might have had died on his tongue or melted into the only words he could think of; fuck, Bones. They kept kissing and rocking and rubbing and panting, and Bones couldn’t even bring himself to care that his place of work was one door away, that he could possibly lose his job for this. But with Jim moaning like that, he couldn’t find a negative aspect of this situation.
Soon Bones was shuddering and groaning and coming in his pants, riding out his orgasm while Jim’s hips still jerked forward and back, trying to get to that point. Bones’ vision cleared just in time to see Jim throw his head back, to feel his fingers curl almost-painfully around his hip and hear that high-pitched moan again as the man came. It was possibly the most beautiful thing Bones had ever been sober enough to see, and the expanse of exposed skin on Jim’s neck was far, far too alluring and Bones leaned forward, pressing sleepy kisses to his throat. He worked his way up slowly, and by the time he got to Jim’s jaw he was tilting his head back down and meeting Bones’ lips. They kissed slowly, lazily, still wrapped up in each other in the moments before hey realized what a sticky mess they had become.
“What are we, sixteen?” Bones whispered after they finally drifted apart, and Jim chuckled.
“I was doing this when I was thirteen.” Jim corrected, and Bones gave the best glare he could muster in his afterglow.
“Whore.” he teased, a slight smile playing at his lips. Jim found himself staring at them again and his hand seemed to raise up on its’ own, a few fingers tracing Bones’ well-kissed lips against his will.
“I feel that same way, like you said before. About… My lips? But about your eyes. They’re… Beautiful, I mean.” Bones whispered awkwardly, glancing away and frowning as he cursed his conversational skills. Jim couldn’t help but smile, pressing his fingers into Bones’ lips to quiet him.
“I’m glad you like them.” he said, giving his most charming smile and pulling his eyes extra wide, keeping them open as he slowly replaced his fingers with his lips.
“Bastard.” Bones mumbled, returning the kiss full-force as Jim started to giggle.